National unemployment is still kicking my ass, as is the fact that, despite having almost no skill set (no, snark and an autistic-like ability to recite stretches of dialogue from 80s movies are apparently not in demand with the corporate set, who knew), I am vastly “overqualified” for all positions out there.
It’s to the point where I am considering lying outright and telling potential employers that I’ve been backpacking around Southeast Asia or living in an ashram just so I don’t have to go through the rigmarole of explaining that, no, you really can’t have a job when you’re enrolled in a full-time doctoral program, and yes, if something better comes along than this nine dollar an hour data entry soul-killing horrendousness, I will, in fact, quit. I mean, people are into that Eat, Pray, Love shit, aren’t they? Maybe they will think I am noble rather than someone who keeps aggressively pursuing higher education for no other reason than it seems to be a bastion of marginally sane secularism in our increasingly batshit country.
So that’s fun. Except for how it, you know, totally isn’t.
Also fun? Cover letters, the genre of quiet fucking desperation and self-aggrandizement.
Part-time marketing work also provides me with words that make me think academic jargon is pretty, by comparison:
- Build out
Good times can be had with this corporate buzzword generator.
A playlist to stave off suicidal thoughts brought on by pleading job apps and marketing twats
Hedwig and the Angry Itch — Midnight Radio
David Bowie – Rock and Roll Suicide
Boston — Peace of Mind
Eliot Smith — Wouldn’t Mama Be Proud?
Supertramp — Breakfast in America
Wilco — Shot in the Arm
The Verve — Bittersweet Symphony
Tribe Called Quest — Rap Promoter
Beastie Boys — Super Disco Breakin’
Frank Black — Headache (listen to this last one at least six times running.)